I've been doing psychotherapy for three years and it's been a devastating experience. It's stripped away all the denial about my situation and made me examine some harsh realities. Denial's held me together for a long time and without it I just don't seem to function.
Denial meant that for years I could live in a bedsit with no friends or contact with anyone except my parents and still manage to get up every day and temp for the minimum wage. Without it I just seem to be falling apart. I haven't worked properly for two years and my mood is desolate.
Psychotherapy's made me see reality and see how bad things have been. It's brought long repressed memories to the front of my mind. My life before depression for example - a time when I had friends, went to gigs and festivals, did a degree, cared what I wore and mostly knew who I was. I'd felt I had to repress those memories, forget who I'd been so I could get on with my new bleak life.
Slowly things are improving, last year I made my first female friend since 1993, but the pace of change is gradual and I'm getting frustrated.
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