Running has been a great way of managing my depression. It shakes the bad feelings out of me and leaves me feeling revived. It's a classic middle aged activity, not something I would have attempted as a young person. I know it works because I've had flu this week and that's meant no running and a terrible low mood.
I feel sick and I can't get out of bed. All I want to do is sleep. It's nice being in bed, having the duvet around me feels like being cuddled. Sleeping stops the 'chatter' in my brain and blocks out my problems. I want to sleep and sleep and sleep.
Saturday 27 March 2010
Wednesday 24 March 2010
Excruciating interview
I went to my first interview in two years today. It started off well but then I got hit by panic and started mumbling my answers in an inarticulate fashion and everything degenerated from there. I also fluffed a very simple IT test due to being in a heightened state of anxiety and blank mindedness.
So now I'm gloomy and pondering what to do next. Claiming benefits is tricky because I'm cohabiting. I might go back to my habit of throwing myself into any old temp job and tolerating it until the depression and anxiety build up and I resign.
So now I'm gloomy and pondering what to do next. Claiming benefits is tricky because I'm cohabiting. I might go back to my habit of throwing myself into any old temp job and tolerating it until the depression and anxiety build up and I resign.
Saturday 20 March 2010
Forcing myself to listen to music
Joy is a big motivator and I don't experience enough of it. Recently I've been trying to think of the kinds of things I'd be doing if I wasn't depressed and forcing myself to do them. Listening to music is one of those things.
I haven't listened to music much since 1993 but, after two years of psychotherapy, anti Ds, exercise, meditation, healthy eating and general squeaky clean living, my depression's receded just enough that I can enjoy it again. I've even gone as far as compiling a list of favourite tracks in Spottify, next on the list is to download some music onto my mobile - a task that's been three months in the planning.
The problem is I feel guilty doing anything unproductive and most enjoyable activities fall into this category. One way round this is to do two pleasant activities at the same time e.g. knitting whilst listening to music. That cuts down on the amount of time 'wasted' on pleasurable activities.
I haven't listened to music much since 1993 but, after two years of psychotherapy, anti Ds, exercise, meditation, healthy eating and general squeaky clean living, my depression's receded just enough that I can enjoy it again. I've even gone as far as compiling a list of favourite tracks in Spottify, next on the list is to download some music onto my mobile - a task that's been three months in the planning.
The problem is I feel guilty doing anything unproductive and most enjoyable activities fall into this category. One way round this is to do two pleasant activities at the same time e.g. knitting whilst listening to music. That cuts down on the amount of time 'wasted' on pleasurable activities.
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